Self-destruction
by Misaki-chan22
Summary: She had to choose. Between the girl she once was and the girl she will be. One locked away, the other loose and free to take her over. Will she live the life her brother was suppose to...or fall under the weight of her old dead self? Will she fall, not from a kunai, but of her own self-destruction?
1. Death and Birth

**What's up my people!? Hello my patient Fanficies, I am back at last. With better writing (hopefully). Yeah I got my muse back for Uchiha Twins, except I'm not going to call it that anymore…. Well um…oh HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Wow I didn't think I would ever post anything on an important holiday. But it's awesome, because I know my faithful readers and reviewers will be happy to finally get to read some more…um how do I say this…of my Fanfictions. It's funny because I wanted to say something more arrogant than that, but I guess not. ANYYYYWWWAAAYYY, I worked really hard on this, which is a first for this because I'm so lazy.**

**Well back to busyness, Hotaru will still be our lucky (not really) heroine, but wouldn't it be awesome if this was an SI OC…? I think it would. Hopefully this will be really good and I guess semi original. **

**I try.**

**Right, done to more important info, updating may be slow since school is evil….very evil. So, just maybe I might be able to update and post…..twice a week…? Completely different from my usual 'post every couple of days' which everyone loves.**

**Anyways, I want to see REVIEWSSSSSSS! You will get an awesome chocolate chip cyber cookie and a mighty WHASHAAAW (my awesome sound effect thing that I just randomly say whenever I'm in a good mood, kinda like Sakura's 'Cha' moments)**

**This will most likely turn out to be a semi serious fanfic, it might not…**

**Well, ONWARDS TO THE STORY!**

**OH WAIT, almost forgot the disclaimer….I do not own Naruto or any of the future references off of anything or the awesome and semi humorous quotes. **

**Okay,now ONWARDS TO THY STORY!**

* * *

"_If you're a really mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop."_

_Kurt Cobain_

* * *

I really hate birthdays.

I have no idea why people enjoy aging a year closer to their deaths. Or I could just be really irritated about them because my death happened on my birthday. It sucks and I hate everything about dying on my sixteenth birthday. I wouldn't be the only one, I guess. I mean who wouldn't be miserable and disturbed about dying on their day of birth?

Did I mention I also really hate being reincarnated into an anime I just so happen to watch and becoming the younger twin sister of the character I hate the most? Well, I guess instead of moping I could tell you the story.

Let's start with the morning of my sixteenth birthday, shall we?

* * *

X.X

* * *

I stared out the window of my friend's chilly sports car, spacing out. My friend was blabbing about the perfect theme for my sweet sixteen, not that I was really interested in the whole party itself. Marissa looked at me with calculating eyes, obviously not happy with my apathetic nature towards social gatherings. I shrugged at her constant glances of glaring as she turned a left.

Marissa's sports car's engine roared and I flinched at the noise, still not completely use to the gruesome sounds of the car. Marissa glanced at me "So..." she started mischief flashing in her eyes; I stiffen at the sudden toxic and quizzical tone of her voice, "are you going to invite Tim?"

I groaned, Marissa and her stupid matchmaker game. Marissa flashed me a sly grin before speeding through a yellow light. I sighed finally, "No." There was no way I was going to invited someone who was going to flirt with me the whole time the party was scheduled for. I wasn't even interested in the boy my closes friend was trying to set me up with.

"Why not?" Marissa whined, dragging out her words.

"Well, because I don't want to have a stupid sweet sixteen." I replied and winced at my response. I was really going to hear it now.

"What do you mean stupid!" she screeched and I tuned out what she said next. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and sighed.

Marissa was my friend, a great friend really. But sometimes she could get really persistent about things. But before I go into that, let me explain Marissa. Marissa is your average blond, blue eyed perfect girl. Her and her family was wealthy since her father owned a very popular mall, which we were heading to despite my annoyance. Marissa was a very pretty young lady, short, slim and curvy, and a heart-shaped face. She wore the most expensive designer clothing.

Now compared to me, she was an angel.

I was her counter opposite. I was your average nerd and geek, tall and lean, round face framed with blue round glasses. I had frizzy and curly black hair and muddy brown eyes. My parents weren't as people would say in California "rich enough" to buy designer clothing. Personally I didn't like designer clothing, a decent pair of black skinny jeans and a thin jacket too was good enough for me.

Now you see I wasn't originally from the famous state of California, I was from a small town in North Carolina. I didn't know anyone when we moved there, me being me I decided to avoid everyone I saw. Which is where I begin to explain one of Marissa's most annoying traits, persistency.

About a week after joining the high school I was now attending-sitting alone during lunch like always- Marissa approached me and just started talking. Saying random things and speaking a one-sided conversation. It was clearly against her friends' wishes- since they would constantly make disgusted faces at me- and would generally avoid Marissa for it. It wasn't until a week later that I was reading a manga-being an anime fan- that Marissa had commented on the finished series I was reading.

I had just stared at her shocked while she smiled happily at me.

That was when I found out we had a common interest among the differences between us.

"I just can't see what's so great about spending my birthday with people who would rather avoid me than call me a friend." I murmured shrugging.

Silence. Not one word from Marissa. She sighed and gave me a small smile, she was thinking about what she was going to say. To console me. But I guess she gave up.

"Well, I guess if you want it could just be you and your family. If you want?" Marissa finally offered, turning into The Grand Mall parking lot. She glanced at me as she turned the car off and pulled her key out of the ignition. She gave me a hopeful smile and her eyes lit up.

"If you want you can come to whatever I'm doing for my birthday." I said giving her a shy smile "It'd probably just be dinner."

Marissa beamed "Thanks Chrisy," she reached over her seat and pulled me into a hug "plus your mom's cooking is awesome!" I chuckled and she released me to get out of the car. I opened my side of the car, sliding and landing on asphalt.

I shut the door behind me and followed Marissa over to the entrance of the huge mall.

"Think of this Chrisy, as my birthday gift."Marissa squealed and grabbed my arm. I groaned and could almost see what Marissa had planned to do. "Come on Chrisy, you really need this."

"Okay, okay." I sighed pushing up my glasses and shaking my head slowly. I took a deep breath as we entered the mall to do a girly thing called shopping.

* * *

X.X

* * *

After our chaotic adventure of shopping and several bags of 'Chrisy styled clothing' later we were both back in Marissa's pink sports car. I wiped sweat from my forehead, the California heat getting to me. I sighed with relief when Marissa turned the air conditioner on. She smiled at me and shook her head.

We pulled off and began our drive I guess back to my parents' apartment. Marissa was happy about something and couldn't keep a perfect toothy smile off her face. I let out a heavy sigh, suddenly feeling really tired. Which in a way was really odd since I usually don't get tired so easily? Maybe it was the heat?

Marissa pulled onto the highway speeding up a little too much for comfort. I shifted a little behind my seatbelt and felt uncomfortable by the silence. Which was also really odd since I liked the silence?

"So how come you don't like Tim?" Marissa finally asked a question I surprisingly hadn't expected.

_Expect the unexpected, Chrisy_

I puffed up my cheeks and exhaled through my mouth, turning my attention to the window. "I don't know….I guess….maybe it's just that I….Why is it that you ask me all these questions that I can't actually answer?" I snapped sitting up a little straighter and scowling.

Marissa just laughed "I don't know how I can, I just do." Marissa saw the look on my face and she sobered her laughter. "Look I'm sorry; I know you can't really ever answer a question like that. But I just can't see why you're not interested in someone who is clearly interested in you."

"I'm just not." I murmured shrugging. Marissa glanced at me and dropped the topic, clearly not wanting to bother me about it. I appreciated it that she just dropped it and would hopefully never bring it up again.

There was a beep from Marissa's pink designer bag and she reached inside it and pulled out her IPhone. I almost wonder if she was answering a call since she only pushed one button and then glance back at the road. But she never put the phone to her ear; instead she had the steering wheel between her thighs and her hands pushing the digital keys.

"Oh come on Marissa, it can wait." I whined suddenly feeling very nervous. I gripped the arm of the chair and shook my head.

"Just a minute." She mumbled glancing up at the road.

"In just a minute we'll be at an intersection!" I retorted my hands sweating heavily "Or sooner!"

I cringed when Marissa didn't answer me but just kept typing away. And there it was, not too far away was a busy intersection. Marissa wouldn't have enough time to break properly and it seemed the green light was lit for awhile.

"Marissa, damn it, put the phone away and prepare to sto-" my words didn't reach her in time since we had already cross the intersection on a red light. I suddenly couldn't breathe when a loud and deep horn blared. I turned my head and a damn semi just had to be there, right next to Marissa's tiny sports car.

Time seemed to stop before everything moved into slow motion.

Metal smashing against metal

Marissa screaming

Skull smashing into glass

And my heart racing like a war horse

I stayed hanging soberly upside down, my ribs crushed and my left lung punctured. I was barley gulping for air and just trying to stay alive. The world around me was blurry and fading, I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel anything but pain as someone I guessed as Marissa dragged me from the car.

I took in a sharp breath as she straddled me in her arms. Something wet hit my face, rolling down my face.

_Marissa, are you crying?_

Marissa was a strong girl; I have never, not once seen her cry. I tried focusing on her face and indeed she was crying. She was muttering something I couldn't understand.

"M-Marissa?" it was hard just to speak. I was losing air fast. Marissa looked straight into my eyes and her guilt shown on her face. The tears welled in her eyes and they leaked onto my face. I coughed, an iron tasting liquid slipping down my chin.

"I'm so sorry! It's all my fault!" she cried holding me tighter.

"It's o-okay." I struggled out the words, numbness beginning to snake up my legs.

"No it's not, it's my fault you're going to die!" she sobbed shaking her head. Blond curls falling in my face. From the shaking of her head I could see the damage that was done to her. She had a minor head injury, a trickle of blood rolling down the left side of her face.

"Don't feel g-guilty, okay" I murmured shivering, I felt so cold. Sirens-at least I thought there were sirens- in the distance. They wouldn't get here in time, they never do. "You have to s-stay s-strong, for me o-okay?"

Marissa nodded "Okay."

The numbness was moving faster as well as death. There was one more thing I wanted to tell Marissa before I finally died and I hoped it would make her feel better.

I smiled up at Marissa and took one last mighty gulp of air, "T-thank you Marissa, for being m-my friend."

Marissa stared at me with wide eyes and gave me a forced smile "Your welcome, Chrisy." She whispered and held me close. "Now shhhhh, close your eyes and go to sleep." She cooed, tears falling faster. I did what she told me, closing my eyes and taking one last sharp breath.

I exhaled through my nose and fell into complete darkness as death wrapped its dark fingers around me, luring me away from the world of the living.

_Thank you, Marissa_

* * *

_X.X_

* * *

_Ba-dump_

_Was that my heartbeat?_

I opened my eyes finding nothing but complete darkness and all the pain and numbness gone. This world of darkness was extremely warm and comfortable. I think I should have been completely alarmed and worry, but I was strangely calm for someone who would freak out about everything.

_Ba-dump_

I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of my heartbeat willing myself to fall back asleep. But something in the back of my mind was telling me that something was not right.

_I should be confused, frightened and well confused some more. _

I came from a family of Christians, where when you died you were either sent to heaven or to the fiery parts of hell. There were no flames, bright light….just darkness.

I shifted a little, slightly uncomfortable and suddenly wide awake.

_Ba-dump Ba-dump_

I jumped when I heard another heartbeat right next to me and flinched when something kicked me in my side. I opened my mouth to complain but instantly closed it. I suddenly felt that I didn't know how to speak anymore. So I just sat…or floated in the darkness without saying a word. But I did kick whatever was beside me back.

_At least I'm not lonely_

_Ba-dump_

Time did not exist here in the darkness, sadly. That bothered me since I always like to know what time it was anywhere. So I didn't know how long I've been living and floating in the abyss, oddly. The temperature was always the same, wonderfully warm. My type of weather.

I was never hungry or thirsty; it never felt like I needed to breathe either. Honestly I felt like I was really dead, no longer living. But I felt way too alive to actually feel dead, it was hard to portray.

_Ba-dump_

A voice echoed in the void, a very pretty voice that wasn't speaking in English. My mind was too clotted with nothing-blank-to recognize the language that was being spoken. I felt connected to this woman-I assumed the voice was from a female since the pitch was higher than normal for a male- and was eager to hear her voice. If I kicked hard enough, I think I could get her attention.

_Weird_

_Ba-dump_

I never liked being in small places, so when the dark world started to constrict around me I freaked. That other…thing that was beside me this whole time was gone. I instantly felt lonely, until I was pulled out as well.

Warmth and comfort was replaced with chilly air, uncomforting feelings and bright lights. I guessed I was washed and wrapped in something soft and fluffy, which made me go limp. Someone was crying, screaming their lungs out. Actually there were a couple of people screaming.

I realized I was one of those two people crying. I could understand why. Everything was blurry and I feared that I might be partially blind. It was terribly bright and I blinked trying to focus on the objects and things-for lack of a better word- around me.

I was handed to someone and held in the crook of their arm. Cooing, soft and melodious cooing that made me calm my crying. I leaned into the touch of whoever was holding me.

I fell asleep, everything from Marissa to my life thrown behind a curtain of forgetfulness.


	2. The Baby Years

**Yay another chapter! It's quite wonderful to be writing (or typing) again. I missed Fanfiction and my Fanficies. Sigh you guys are wonderful and AMAZINGGGGGG! XD I like this chapter's quote, I personally agree with it all the way. I should tell you guys now that I am not really a big football fan, buuuut the Miami Dolphins totally kicked the Pittsburg Steelers butts. That game was awesome and I'm sorry for those of my readers who are Steeler fans.**

**Anyway…..this chapter was semi-easy to write (or type), but I got semi-stumped sometimes. I don't think this is gonna be a serious fanfic…I really don't.**

**I LOVE REVIEWS! When I got my first review, I went crazy when I read it! I get really happy even if it's just one…**

**You know, a young Itachi is really hard to write. I mean he's really nice to his little brother and all, but he didn't show any other emotion towards anyone else though. **

**I blame his father….**

**Right! Review and you get a cyber peanut butter cookie this time.**

**I DO NOT OWN THE ANIME NARUTO IF I DID I WOULD BE ONE RICH GIRL.**

**ONWARDS THY FANFICIES!**

* * *

"_Yes, hell exists. It is not a fairy tale. One indeed burns there. This hell is not at the end of life. It is here. At the beginning. Hell is what the infant must experience before he gets to us.__"__  
__Frederick Leboyer_

* * *

Something about me was extremely different and I could at least tell what was wrong with me sometimes. I knew everyday routine when I saw it, or at least for the first few months of being alive, felt it. Occasionally I would feel hollow; I recognized this hollowness as hunger. I couldn't speak or tell someone to feed me, but I could whimper or cry. I was bottle fed, like a baby, warm milk. I was bathed and taken lovingly care of, everything from the sights and scents were slowly becoming familiar to me.

There was a man and a woman, and seldom a young boy. I didn't know, personally, who they were, but something in the back of my mind stirred with recognition every time I saw these people. It was confusing to know that somehow these people –strangers, yet oddly _familiar_ _strangers_ were taking care of me with my parents nowhere in sight.

It was hard not to become attached to these people, who wouldn't become attached to the people who would _unconditionally_ take care of them for a long period of time?

I had a hard time _not_ loving _them_.

I started to pick up on an assessment of words that I acknowledged in the language Japanese. Some words were memorable, since some were basic Japanese. Others gave me a head ache just trying to comprehend what was being said. But there was one word that seemed to be repeated often, that was directed at me. That one word that I shifted uncomfortably under my blankets when I heard this word -Hotaru, my name.

In the darkest corners of my mind, somewhere a voice would dispute that that was not my name. The name Chrisy would bounce around in my head, but I slowly began to react to being called Hotaru since it _belonged_ to _me_.

_And only me_

My vision began to return and I was very tempted to jump for joy –if I could. As my sight came to me, objects became clearer and the faces before me became more defined. I could also see the setting that was laid out before me.

The setting _frightened_ me

I was trapped, immobilized, in what looked like a crib for infants and toddlers. If I turned my head –which felt tremendously heavy at times when I tried to lift it –I could make out lots of stuffed animals surrounding me inside the crib.

I liked stuff animals, but that was insanely _creepy_

Other than my newly developed sight, strength started to return to me as I waved my arms around constantly. I wasn't a person who liked to move around a lot, but I couldn't stay still for long hours either. Large mixtures of infant toys were put into my clumsy grasp and I took that opportunity to rebuild up my almost nonexistent motor skills.

I was held from time to time by the woman who would feed me by bottle. When I looked down at myself I could see that I was no longer my sixteen year old self (or fifteen since I didn't live another day as sixteen). Surprisingly, I accepted that so easily –that I was yet again an infant and maybe in this life I could actually live past fifteen- but what I didn't like about this predicament was that I was reincarnated with just the memories of my parents, my sixteenth birthday, and my death. Maybe a severe head injury?

I needed to know why I was getting déjà vu with always seeing such familiar faces, but I just couldn't name where I've seen these faces before.

And I _felt_ like I was suppose to remember someone

My tongue, after defying me for the longest, wrapped around the different words that my mentality was beginning to pick up on. The pretty young woman called herself 'mom', her husband called himself 'dad', and their eldest son called himself 'big brother'.

There was someone else too.

Sasuke was his name

I've heard the word that was his name be directed towards him, and his name would ring bells, struck some cords, but the same result always came the same.

_Nothing_

I _wanted_ to know. I _needed_ to know.

I was a new person, in a new place. These people, my parents, were giving me the support that I needed to grow –food, shelter, warmth, protection…..unconditional love, and attention. I needed them to fill in the empty void inside me. But something was missing, like a part of me was gone.

And I couldn't figure out _what_ it was

Sasuke and I were finally allowed out of our cribs as we were growing, which was a major relief for me. My balance got better since I had nothing better to do, as well as my strength. When I could finally push myself up, it only encouraged me to work harder.

Funny how my mind and my soul knew the movements to crawl, but my new body didn't. It was difficult, but I finally got the movements down in the end. When it was time to walk on my little two year old legs, I went for it. Of course if I've leaned the wrong way or stumbled and trip, warm arms would catch me every time, as well as Sasuke.

My words swarmed into short choppy sentences, the foreign language flowing easily out of my mouth. It was great that I could finally learn a language I so badly wanted to learn how to speak…and I finally could. And the language felt right...

_Everything felt right_

Soon I was speaking in short choppy conversations, some extremely silly that made my mother giggle or others that had me speaking my curiosity. My parents gladly answered my questions, even the most embarrassing ones that parents wouldn't expect their child to ask.

At age five, I felt something inside me. At first it was subtle and I ignored it, thinking it was me just being hungry. But eventually it got to the point where I could really feel it, feel it move and squirm around under my skin. I guess it was supposed to be comfortable and warm, and it was. But I was terrified, my childish imagination was telling me there was something underneath my skin. What was even weirder was that I could feel something similar coming from Sasuke, but it was only when I touched him. My curiosity had gotten the best of me and I had to ask about it.

"Momma, I feel weird inside." I said one night at our dinner table. Mom had looked up from her food to look at me and she just smiled.

"You're might just still be hungry dear."

I shook my head "No, it's not because I'm hungry, it's a thing and it moves."

Dad and big brother, Itachi, were interested after I said that. Sasuke had just looked around confused and continued eating the rice mom had cooked for dinner. There was a silence as mom, dad, and Itachi exchanged glances with each other.

"What exactly does it feel like, Hotaru?" Itachi asked breaking the silence. All eyes were on me and I shifted uncomfortably in my spot.

"It's warm…" I trailed off and then pointed at Sasuke who sat beside me "I can feel the same thing when I touch Sasuke, but it's really small."

Sasuke nodded "I feel the same thing too, it's weird."

I nodded in agreement at my brothers words, it was really weird. Itachi exchanged glances again with our parents and dad straighten up straighter, if dad was surprised he didn't show it.

"Well, I didn't think they would start to feel chakra at such a young age. Nor feel each other's chakra." Dad said sounding proud. Mom nodded and smiled at the both of us.

I blinked and something stirred in the back of my mind.

_Chakra…?_

"What's chakra?" Sasuke asked taking the words right out of my mouth. Mom launched into a small lectured about chakra and what we use it for. All I picked up was ninja and jutsu. The sense of déjà vu came back and the gears in my head were beginning to turn.

It was very tempting to bang my head against a wall and yell repeatedly at myself to remember what's being hidden from me. I just stared at my food, picking at the rice and the meat on the side.

"So are they going to start the academy next year?" Itachi asked picking at his own food as well; he looked up at me as I watched him. Our eyes met and I smiled up at him, turning my attention back to my food I sighed not really feeling hungry any more.

Once again, another term that gave me déjà vu…

_Academy_

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't they join the academy?" dad answered like it was common sense.

After dinner, Sasuke and I washed up and went to bed. The next morning I decided I was going to investigate Itachi's room, since I really had nothing better to do. Itachi's room was really simple and really easy to search. Itachi had left to do some type of job, mom had left to buy groceries and dad left to do some sort of business, so it was just me and Sasuke, so I had a good length of time to search his room.

I came across lots of different things like weapons and scrolls stored in his dresser. When I had came across a blue headband, I almost dropped it when I had first looked at it. There was a rectangular piece of metal attached to the cloth and what looked like a leaf was engrained into it. I let my fingers trace over it and I blinked slowly as the name _Konoha_ flashed before my eyes.

I put the headband back and left Itachi's room, returning to my own room where Sasuke and I resided in. I laid in my bed across from Sasuke's and stared up at the ceiling. When I wanted to think about something deeply, I would lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling. It helped a lot most of the time. And if I wasn't at home I would stare at the sky as a substitute.

I tried processing the word Konoha in my mind and tried to put the available puzzle pieces together.

_Konoha…..chakra…..ninja….jutsu….academy…..Sasuke…..and Itachi…_

I sighed, I was getting nowhere. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to keep myself from getting frustrated. I had eventually fallen asleep and let the day slip by me. If Itachi had ever realized that I had entered his room without permission while he wasn't home, he never said anything about it. Which I was slightly glad and thankful for.

The rest of my five year old year had gone by like lightning. Sasuke and I had learned to read and write, which made me quite happy since I loved to read and write. When I was two months into being six, mom had told us that dad had enrolled us into the ninja academy. Sasuke was quite pleased to hear that. On the outside I felt content as well, but somewhere deep in my core I felt dreadful. Like I was going to get a full blast of evil in the future.

The night before our first day at the academy, I had a strange dream.

* * *

_I was standing in a white room, a really bright white room. The only thing that was in the room was a tall black framed mirror. I stared at the glass and in the reflection was a girl I was pretty sure I've never seen before. She waved at me to move closer and I hesitantly took a few steps further._

"_Who are you?" I asked and the girl smiled at me, pushing up her glasses._

"_I'm you, but a different you." She replied pointing at me and then at herself. I stared at her confused and opened my mouth to say something. "I'm Chrisy, your old self."_

"_Where are we and why are you in the mirror?" I asked frowning. I didn't have an old self, nor did I know this Chrisy girl. But her name was familiar. _

"_In your subconscious, at least that's where I stay at unfortunately. I wish you wouldn't keep me locked up back here and it hurts that you forgot everything about me and yourself." she stated, she gave me a sad look and a sad smile afterwards "I'm in the mirror because of your imagination, we are once again a child."_

_I stared in confusion at her and tilted my head to the side. I don't keep anyone locked away anywhere._

"_I guess I should explain some things that you are trying to put together." I nodded and she took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. Her face was put together in seriousness and I wanted to turn away from her gaze._

"_You are no longer in our world, or I should say the real world. It may seem impossible, but you're in the Naruto-universe." Chrisy explained to me that Naruto was an anime that I had seemingly watched in my past life. I listened to her with guilty interest about my past life and frowned when she told me. I was not willing to believe that this girl was me, or that I was in some fictional show._

_The thought hit me hard and everything started to slowly come back to me._

_Everything from my family, my home, my school…..to Marissa. _

_I blinked back the tears threatening to fall from my eyes as a picture of Marissa flashed before my eyes. I shook my head, feeling really guilty about leaving Marissa alone like that after everything she did for me. But that was Chrisy who left her behind…alone, not me...not Hotaru. That was Chrisy who was friends with Marissa. But I still felt guilty; for whatever reason I don't know._

_That was everything Chrisy had. Not what I had…_

_Everything hit me so quickly I felt dizzy and disoriented. I sighed and looked directly at Chrisy. _

"_It's really funny though, your Sasuke's twin sister. He's our most hated character in the anime." She said trying to lighten the mood. But we were supposedly the same person; we had no sense of humor. She laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her head, "Sorry…well you're going to have to go now."_

"_Am I going to see you again?" I asked bewildered lowering my head. I was really hoping she would say no, I really didn't want to see her again. Not after everything she told me._

_She shrugged "Maybe?"_

_I sighed and I could feel a pull, luring me to wake up._

"_Oh and Hotaru…" she started and I looked up at the mirror "Good luck."_

* * *

I shot up from under my covers, sweat running down my face. I blinked slowly as I realized I was back in my room. I touched my forehead and sighed loudly. I was in another world that was not supposed to be real and I was in one of the worst clans to be born into. Plus I was the twin sister of the main plot of the anime.

I felt different, like my old self again.

_Like Chrisy _

The new, yet old, feeling weighted down on me and I could feel hot tears roll down my face. I suddenly wished that I hadn't gotten those memories back, nor did I want to hold so much information about what was going to happen in the future.

_No there not my memories, there Chrisy's memories_

I stiffen and turned my head slowly towards the bed opposite of mine. My hate for the boy that was now my brother was not there, I knew it wasn't there. I got up from my bed and stood beside it, my legs stiff.

I couldn't just hate my brother, I grew up with him…and I still am. I choked out a sob and wiped away my tears. This was not the time to cry over myself.

_Be strong _

The voice whispered softly in my head and I felt a little better about myself. I sighed knowing I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep by myself. I crept towards my brother's bed and shook him slightly, hoping he would wake up. He did and sat up to look at me.

"What is it Hotaru?" Sasuke asked softly rubbing his eyes and yawing.

"I can't sleep; do you think I could sleep in your bed with you? I had a nightmare…" I asked rubbing my arm. It wasn't exactly a lie that I had a nightmare, but it kinda was. He looked at me for a moment and slid over to make room for me. "Thanks." I whispered climbing into his bed. I moved closer to Sasuke and cuddle up next to him. He wrapped a protective arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"Don't worry, your big brother will protect you from the nightmares." He whispered and pulled me in closer.

I couldn't hate my brother…I don't think I ever could

_I could never hate my brother_


	3. First Day of School

**I like this Chapter's quote. I try. Anyway, third chapter is up! Um…. I really don't know what Shisui's personality was really like. I mean most fanfictions I've read, he didn't act like an Uchiha… I don't know. Naruto Wikia doesn't say much about his personality, just that he was dedicated to his job and his village. That's probably why Itachi liked him so much. The first days of school are always the hardest. **

**I sure no I didn't like it.**

**Anyway, I don't own Naruto.**

**ONWARDS TO THE STORY! AND HETALIA IS AWESOME!**

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_Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years._

_Gracie Allen_

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"Wake up you two! It's your first day at the Academy and I don't plan on letting you sleep in today!" someone shrieked at some early hour. An hour I do not like to get up at. The blankets and the only pillows were pulled away from Sasuke's bed and from atop and under us two snuggling children. I groaned and buried my face into Sasuke's night shirt, curling up into tight ball.

It wasn't that cold….and Sasuke was really warm.

"Come you two, it's time to get up! Don't make me get your father."

The father card…not gonna work. Supposedly done it before, not gonna work this time. Mom sighed and I heard her leave the room. Maybe she really was going to get dad…..time to get up. I uncoiled myself and pulled myself away from Sasuke –who was stirring in his sleep- just as mom was coming back in.

"Ah, good to know one of my younger children is up. So why don't you wait in the bathroom so I can wake you brother up, yes?" Mother said firmly. I dragged myself out of bed and glanced at mom. I did a double take when I realized she had a pan and a wooded spoon in her hand. I quickly got out of the room; it was too early in the morning to hear such noise.

I dragged myself to the bathroom, nearly bumping into Itachi. I waited like I was told to and snickered when I heard the echoing banging and a thump. Sasuke must be up now. Mom can into the bathroom soon afterwards, brush in hand and a navy blue ninja kimono. I eyed the kimono and turned my head in a defiant way.

There was no way I was wearing a dress to my first day of school. Or a dress at all….

"Hotaru Uchiha, you will wear this dress because it is proper for a pretty girl like you to look nice for your first day at the academy." Mom scolded and tapped her foot. I pouted up at her and turned away again. I kept my gaze on the shower curtain and mom sighed and left the bathroom. She came back after a minute with a high collared dark blue shirt and some khaki shorts.

My face brightened and I took the clothes from mom, dressing myself and ruffling my short hair.

"At least let me do your hair, Hotaru." Mom said crouching in front of me and eyed my hair with distaste "You look like Itachi when he was your age and I don't want my little girl to look like a boy." I frowned and turned around. She ran the brush through my hair and tied something in it. I blinked in confusion and mom hoisted me up, holding me in front of the mirror. Mom had tied a blue ribbon in my hair; I have to say it was pretty. "This use to be my ribbon, when I was a little girl. It's yours now. It's a little worn and torn but it should last a couple more years."

Honestly if it had been anyone else's I wouldn't have taken it, but it was from my mother. How could I deny a ribbon –which was NOT worn and torn- from my mother? It did make me look like a girl….a girl with really spiky hair. Maybe I should grow my hair out?

I twisted in her arms to hug her and whispered a thank you; she put me down and we exited the bathroom. Mom led me to the kitchen downstairs, the kitchen smelling like fish and rice. My stomach growled and I blushed as mom giggled. "Somebody's hungry this morning." She giggled.

"Mhmmm." I nodded smiling shyly already itching to eat.

Mom's smiling face turned into a stern one as we sat at the table to eat, Itachi and dad already there, "Sasuke if you don't get down here in three seconds…!" Mom threatened. There were several thumps upstairs and then down the stairs, until finally Sasuke was at the table next to me.

I snickered at his bed head and ruffled his hair to its usual spikiness. He smiled at me and said good morning to Itachi and dad. We ate our breakfast and proceeded to finish our new morning routine, afterwards we waited in the living room with Itachi.

"You're going to our orientation like you promised, big brother?" Sasuke asked smiling and fully awake after eating. Mom's food woke people up; even dad looked more awake after eating her food.

"Yes, like I promised." Itachi responded nodding at Sasuke. I stared confuse at Sasuke and Itachi.

"When did you promise?" I asked, where was I when this happened?

"When I went with Itachi to train. You went shopping with mom, you should have came Itachi did this cool flip thing with kunai and shuriken." Sasuke exclaimed throwing his hands around for emphasis.

I blinked in awe "Aaaw I wish I went."

"You should of! It was amazing! Itachi was so cool! You should have seen him!" Sasuke cheered grinning.

_You already did_

"Itachi, are you ready to leave for the mission." Dad asked entering the living room. Sasuke was instantly quiet, looking between Itachi and dad. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot and looked down at the floor. I knew where this was going…

"I have Sasuke and Hotaru's orientation to go to." Itachi responded calmly and I was awestricken by how level-headed he was.

"But this mission will help the clan, it is important for the next clan leader to start getting ready to take my position, taking clan missions is a great way to start, Itachi." Dad explained frowning. I was suddenly angry, was dad going to this mission? Speaking of our orientation, was dad even going?

"I'll make up for it by going to the next one. Right now I have to take Sasuke and Hotaru to their academy orientation." Itachi replied still calm. Where was mom? Was she not going too? The water in the kitchen was running and the clanking of plates got my attention. I blinked angrily; this should be a family occasion! What parents put their job and chores above their children's school activities?! This was exactly what my past parents did; they never had enough time for any of my band concerts.

I threw away those thoughts, that was not my past…

Itachi stood, signaling that that was the end of the discussion. I stood at the same time Sasuke did and when mom walked into the living room with our lunches. I forcefully smiled happily as she handed us each the brown bags containing our lunches.

"I'm sorry I have to miss your orientation, I'll make up for it by taking you two somewhere nice." She smiled kissing our foreheads, "Maybe the Dango shop." I beamed; my recent angry completely gone, I've always wanted to try Hanami Dango! Itachi said they were good!

"I think I might come too." Itachi added.

We left after that and I couldn't help thinking how dad looked so disappointed. I grabbed Itachi's hand, slightly nervous about going to the academy. I rarely ever left the house, preferring to stay home with mom and do random chores. I got a very good allowance for doing those chores and have been saving up just in case I came across something I liked.

It was a much better hour to be awake, the streets filling up slowly with early venders and shoppers. I looked up at the sky, slightly disappointed that it was still clouded. But it would clear up later; I knew it would because it always did.

I rubbed my eyes with my free and glanced at Sasuke who looked happy and determined. I was starting to wonder if we were going to be in the same class together. What if we weren't? What if I was alone and had to be in a class full of super mean little six year olds? I wouldn't be able to handle that!

"You know Hotaru; if you were any older or stronger, you might just break my hand." Itachi said breaking me out of my thoughts of scary six year olds. I blinked up at him and then at my hand, shocked that I hadn't noticed I was squeezing his. I hadn't even noticed I was trying to tighten my own hand. I looked to the other, my free hand was balled into a complete fist and turning white from all the pressure.

I laughed nervously, "Sorry big brother, I guess I'm just nervous."

"Come on Hotaru, there's nothing to be nervous about! It's not like anybody's going to attack you." Sasuke teased like he had read my thoughts "And I'll be there to make sure everything is okay." I blinked at him surprised and then smiled.

"Okay, but I'm gonna hold you up on that!"

"Right!" he let go of Itachi's hand "Race you to the academy!" he yelled and bolted before I could even process what he was demanding.

"Hey no fair, you cheater!" I yelled back running after him.

"Wait you two! You don't even know where the academy is!" Itachi called after us, but we kept going.

The ninja academy was surprisingly where I expected it to be, right under the Hokage Mountain next to the Hokage office. It was a good idea to keep a school at, just in case there was an invasion of sorts since the Hokage Mountain was hollow.

The fact that I knew that puzzled me.

It also bothered me that the academy was far from the Uchiha compound, which makes for a very unhappy and lazy Hotaru.

When we got to the academy Itachi sent us off to the other children without a word and stood among the many parents there. The opening ceremony was short, the Hokage giving a short speech about the _Will of Fire_ and long lasting friendship which I tuned out. I was too busy searching out the little kids I would hopefully be in the same class with.

A flash of bright pink hair caught my attention as well as blond and I caught myself frowning. I have no clue why I had a growing dislike for the two girls I recognized. I shouldn't even know who they are and the feeling bothered me. I let my gaze find other children that I recognized, a kid in shades, a kid with his hood over his head, a girl cowering behind other students, a boy with a pineapple shaped pony tail, a chubby kid eating chips, and a blond boy who looked as if he was a kicked puppy.

I blinked and then turned my gaze to my brother, what if we were put in separate classes. Sweat rolled down my face and I gripped the knuckles on my right hand. I rubbed my eyes after releasing the tension in my hands, white from the pressure. I guess my brother felt my nervousness and turned his head towards me. He smiled and slipped his hand into mine.

It didn't make me feel any better, but at least I knew Sasuke was keeping his promise.

Several teachers called out class roles and none of which I was in. When Iruka stepped up with a clipboard I almost had to urge to squeeze Sasuke's hand but refrained so I wouldn't hurt him. Iruka looked young, probably just made chunin or inexperienced.

I gulped down the feeling of familiarity and positioned my legs a different way. Iruka called out a list of names in alphabetical order by last names. I stopped myself from groaning out loud and focused on Sasuke's chakra. It was one of those moments when you wished your last name didn't start with a letter at the end of the alphabet. I felt the swirl of Sasuke's chakra and felt slightly better about class placements.

Maybe I should work on this whole chakra connection between us?

If you can call it a _connection_

I hadn't even realized Sasuke was pulling me up from our sitting position. I blinked at him in confusion and he grinned, leading us away from where we just sat to the line of students next to Iruka.

"We're in the same class Hotaru." Sasuke whispered and smirked as I let out a breathe I hadn't even realize I've been holding. Sasuke let go of my hand as Iruka –Iruka-sensei I mean, the honorifics were really strange here- called out the last name and his voice cracked slightly as he said Naruto's name.

Iruka-sensei guided us to a classroom and I blanched at how uncreative the room was. The room was extremely bland and I almost cringed because of the horrible cream colored walls. There weren't any educational posters to spice up the room a little, not even one!

The rows of three-student desk were stacked up upwards, auditorium style. The seats looked like benches nailed to the floor and I sighed at how bad my butt would hurt after sitting on wood for hours.

I let Sasuke lead the way to a random desk close to the front and slid in after him. He stared at the front of the classroom and looked almost bored. Was he playing the cool guy?

_Already?_

He caught my stare and _grinned_ at me "Just play cool and do what big brother does."

Yup, he was definitely playing the cool guy…

I rolled my eyes at my brother and sighed, pulling my gaze away from him I looked to somewhere else. I didn't really find anything interesting to look at, the room was pretty boring to start with. Well until I realized our number one knuckle head was sitting alone, head down and looking…well pathetic….but a really sad pitiful pathetic.

I felt bad for him and then crushed that feeling of pity. I couldn't do that; I can't give pity to someone. Pity makes people weak. And Naruto can't become weak, he's too important to become weak. I shook my head and turned back to the front of the class. It wasn't pity that I was feeling I was just being sympathetic.

_Yeah, sympathetic…_

The first day at the academy was like the first day of _kindergarten_, but the first years in the academy you learned things that you learned in kindergarten and _elementary_ school. We did what any school did, learned names of the other students, teacher introduced himself, school rules.

I suddenly had a large wave of nostalgia and my mind was flooded with thoughts of my past life. _Chrisy's_ life.

And Marissa.

I rubbed my eyes in attempt to get rid of those thoughts, but my mind was being clouded by the curly blonde's face. I rested my head on my hand, giving up on forgetting _her_ for the moment. The day slipped by quickly after lunch and Sasuke and I found ourselves standing in front of the academy, waiting for our mother.

_Dango_

That was the only thing on my mind as we could see mom approaching. I was almost bouncing on my feet as she got closer and finally made it to us. We left and she led me and my brother on the path to the Dango shop. As we approached the shop I was almost tempted to run off and meet them there. My brother and my mother seemed to be walking at a really slow pace as they talked about the day at the academy.

I was practically drooling as the scent of sweetness filled my nostrils. I was surprised that the shop was still open, but then again it wasn't that late. My stomach grumbled and growled, I was agreeing with my stomach whole-heartedly. I could almost taste the Dango baking.

When I finally made it, I wasn't really surprised to see Itachi was already there. But I was surprised that he had someone with him.

"Hey Shisui." Sasuke greeted him and my mouth almost flew open. And Sasuke already knew him! This guy was definitely an Uchiha; he had the traits to be one. I found myself racking my brain for the little info I had on him.

Said person waved and then his eyes landed on me "Hey there, you must be Hotaru. I'm Shisui."

I blinked up at him and I said the only thing that came to mind "You have really long eyelashes…Are they natural?" I know it was really rude to stare, but he did have very long eye-ashes.

"Hotaru!" mom shrieked –yet she looked like she was holding back a smile- as Sasuke almost fell over in laughter.

"They are natural! It's not my fault I have really long eyelashes!" Shisui said frowning and poking his eyelids.

"They are pretty long." Itachi sighed, taking a bite from his Dango.

"Not you too Itachi, I thought we were friends." Shisui whined in mock hurt.

Itachi barley shrugged "We are…you just have really long eyelashes."

I giggled at Itachi's bluntness and then suddenly turned serious when I noticed Shisui's uneaten Dango. Then I noticed Itachi's almost gone and turned to mom.

"Dango!" I whined and gentle tugged on mom's navy blue dress "need it now…."

Mom rolled her eyes at my whining and bought Sasuke and me both some Dango. I cheered when it was finally delivered to us and instantly picked the skewered baked dough, holding it in front of me I stared at it. I looked at Sasuke who was in the same position. We shared glances and then nodded, taking a bite of the first Dango.

I slumped in delight from the amazing sweetness of the sauce and closed my eyes content. I reopened my eyes to look at Sasuke and almost chocked on my food. He had a look of disgust on his face and set his stick back on the plate.

"Looks like Sasuke doesn't have much of a sweet tooth." Mom chuckled and I realized she didn't get any for herself. "And Hotaru probably has a sweet tooth like Itachi."

I laughed nervously and took another bite of the delicious bliss in front of me, just to prove it I took Sasuke Dango for myself. I saw from the corner of my eye that Itachi had taken Shisui's. I couldn't help but laugh at Shisui's and Sasuke's face at the sweet goodness.

"Hey, eat too many of those and your teeth with fall out. Then you'll be really ugly without your teeth."Shisui joked and I knew it was directed at me.

My eyebrow twitched. Two can play at that game "You know, if you grew your hair out, you could pull of being a girl with those eyelashes."

"They're not that long!"


	4. Girly Classes and a New Teacher

**Yay! Another chapter of awesomeness! I didn't think that last chapter would be funny, I just didn't. You know, I wouldn't like kunoichi classes either. Thanks for the reviews, views and visits…nothing much to say today. OH WAIT! I think I'm late posting….I can't really tell if it's been a week or not.**

**Anyway, I own nothing! Except Hotaru and her awesomeness! **

**ONWARDS TO THE STORY!**

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_The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.__  
__Sydney J. Harris_

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I stood, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I bit my lip, searching my face and tilting my head. I looked way to much like my brother and it bothered me. I was really short too, having to stand on a stool to see myself in the mirror. I ruffled my bed head and rubbed my eyes. Grabbing a brush I run it through my short hair, flatting down the spikes only for them to stick right back up.

I set the brush down and pick up my blue ribbon, tying it in my hair and adjusting the bow so it wasn't lopsided. Despite the fact that it felt right wearing the bow, something was missing from my appearance. It _felt_ like something was missing. I straighten my navy blue shirt a little and jumped off the stool. I left the bathroom, turning off the light and skipped to the dining room.

It has been a week since school started and I have gotten into the habit of getting up before my brother does. It's better to wake up quietly then have mom wake you up with a _pan_ and a _wooden spoon_. Plus I like seeing how fast Sasuke can get ready for school when threatened by mom. The record is different every day.

Running water caught my attention and I couldn't help but take in a big whiff of whatever was being cooked in the kitchen. Hopefully rice. I smiled as I sat in my usual seat at the table and stared at the entrance to the dining room.

"Hotaru, is that you out there?" mom called out and I jumped at her voice.

"Yes." I answered and rubbed my eyes.

"Could you wake up Sasuke for me?" she asked, from what I heard she turned the water off.

"Sure!" I piped and shot up from my spot. I walked down the hallway and to Sasuke's and my room. I stopped myself as my hand wrapped around the round doorknob, only to find that the doorknob was bizarrely warm.

Barley anyone has _touched_ it and it's already warm!

I blink and pull my hand away from the door. I frown and ignore the warmth coming from the doorknob. I open the door and stride over to Sasuke's bed, while on the way there coming up with a way to wake my brother up.

I shake my head and just settle for poking him in the face "Wake up Sasuke. It's time to get up." Sasuke just pulls the covers over his head and mumbles something incoherent. My fingers twitch and I frown. I grab the soft grey blankets and tug at them, hard. "Come on, let go." I mutter. Sasuke must have been clinging to his blankets like his life depended on it.

I growl as there is more resistance added on Sasuke's part and dig my heels into the wooden floor. After five more seconds of pulling, the blankets are suddenly free and I'm falling backwards onto my back. I sit up only to be plucked in the forehead.

"That's for poking me in the face." Sasuke mumbles and smirks at my frowning face. I growl again and throw the heap of cloth at Sasuke; it hits him square in the face. "Hey, you don't get to get me back!" he yelled and I bolted for the door.

"Yeah, well you got me twice! So you got a blanket for breakfast!" I huffed running down the hallway.

"What do you mean twice?!" Sasuke yelled and I realize just how close he was to catching me as we both stomp down the stairs.

"No running in the house!" Mom shrieked from the kitchen.

"Itachi! Someone help! Sasuke is chasing me!" I cried arms held out in front of me. I had my eyes shut, like an idiot.

"No! You don't get-" I didn't hear the rest of it because I went crashing into someone.

We both fell and I was just glad that my fall was broken by whoever was in the way of my running. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, legs tucked under me, to see who the victim of my crash course was. My fingers twitched as I recognized the person I was sitting on.

"Oh hey there eyelashes, what are you doing here?" I asked and stood up as Shisui pushed himself up. I wonder why he didn't move out the way, he was a ninja after all. Plus I wasn't running that fast.

"Well I came to see if I could walk you two to the academy." He replied glaring at me for calling him his nickname. "It looks like Sasuke isn't even ready yet?"

I heard the running before I could even turn around and realized Sasuke must have ran to get ready for school. That or get away from mom's wrath. But no one can get away from mom's wrath, it's just not possible.

I rubbed my eyes "So eyelashes, missed me?"

Shisui glared at me before shaking his head, "Nope, ugly bug."

"I'm not ugly!" I shrieked and puffed out my cheeks, I could feel my face warming up. "If anyone is ugly, it's you and your eyelashes!"

He pointed at me and opened his mouth to say something but I beat him to it

"And were practically related and almost every Uchiha looks the same. Well except for those eyelashes."

"You know what…..you be quiet ugly bug." He retorted and glared at me again. I glared back at him, but I smirked just to bug him.

"Please refrain from calling my daughter ugly, Shisui." Mom sighed coming into the dining room. She was in her usual navy blue dress, tea towel lying on her shoulder and a bowel of white rice with…something on top of it, while balancing some chopsticks as well. It looked green and red.

"What's that?" I asked, slightly curious as to what was on top of the rice. I blinked as mom put the bowel on the table and motioned me to come closer. I moved closer to the table and sat down, staring at what was supposed to be food.

"Try it, you might like It." mom said smiling at me.

"Okay." I mumbled taking the chopsticks mom offered. I positioned the chopsticks in my hands and dug into the rice and mystery topping. I chewed slowly, the bland taste of rice hit me first and then a really spicy and very familiar taste hit me next. "Peppers?" the rice balanced out the spice and made it quite mild.

"Yeah, I thought you might like something other than rice." Mom smiled and left for the kitchen just as Sasuke was coming back down the stairs.

"Hey bed head." Shisui greeted him while Sasuke sat next to me.

Sasuke barely even glanced at him and instead eyed my bowel of rice and peppers. I passed the bowel to him as well as my chopsticks and he raised a brow at me.

"It's good try it." I urged him on and finally tried some. His face brighten and he was stuffing his face at a fast pace. "Well don't choke."

"Hey Hotaru, don't forget your staying for kunoichi courses." Mom called from the kitchen. I stiffen and beads of sweat start rolling down my face. I stared down at the beige color table. I was really hoping I could avoid this topic.

"Wha-why do I have to stay for something so stupid? And I bet I could learn everything they teach from you, mom" I whined after catching my breath. I look to Sasuke and he just shrugs at my distress.

"Because young lady, your mother doesn't always have the time to teach you things that the school always have time for. Plus I signed you up so you would know how to become a proper kunoichi." Mom explained walking back into the dining room.

"Your mother is right ugly bug, kunoichi classes are important. And you might regret not taking them in the future." Shisui agreed and grinned at me.

"Oh, and you would know wouldn't you eyelashes?" I deadpanned "and it's bad enough that there in the afternoon, so I have to miss training with Itachi and Sasuke. Plus Sasuke already knows how to throw kunai and shuriken. _Real_ kunai and shuriken."

Mom's expression softens "Oh honey, I could teach you how to throw real kunai. I just don't have the time to do it."

My chest tightens and I go back to staring at the table.

"I could teach her." Shisui pipes and my head snaps up to look at the older Uchiha.

Mom hesitated for a moment and she glanced at me then back at Shisui. As much as I wanted to just skip kunoichi classes' altogether, Shisui was giving me a very good reason not to go and some training lessons on how to throw kunai and shuriken. It would be disappointing if mom disapproved of it.

Plus I wanted to be able to match my brother's skill level. And learning about flowers and dancing wasn't going to get me any closer to throwing kunai at strangers. I was in a world where the weak gets killed without a second thought. I needed to be strong, live up to my family name.

And it doesn't help that I'm a girl either…

Mom sighs and wipes her hands with the towel "Alright, but you'll have to train her when she does not have kunoichi classes."

_So weekends_

"Sure! You hear that ugly bug; I get to be your teacher!" Shisui said with a smug look and a thumbs up.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

* * *

My lips twitch and I rub my eyes as another male student leaves. So far the class is almost only girls and I feel like I'm in an all girl's school. Sasuke has already left and a newly developed knot has grown in my stomach. It felt odd not having him around, not being able to feel his chakra.

His chakra, I really should consider working our _connection_.

I fold my hands together and bite my lip as the final male student leaves and the kunoichi teacher enters. It's really pathetic how I haven't really made any friends yet and just went where ever my brother did. I really did not want to learn how to make friends again, the thought of scary six year olds still haunt me.

Hm, what would Sasuke do? Itachi?

That's a really terrible question to ask since both my brothers are a really mysterious quiet. And asking myself what Shisui would do is just stupid since he would act a fool. Or maybe he wouldn't.

I sighed, maybe the Uchiha wasn't the most social people, first to the Hyuga, but I _should_ be able to make _friends_. I lay my head on my arms and glare at the front of the classroom.

_I really don't want to be here…..and speaking of Itachi, where is he?_

The rest of kunoichi class seems to go extremely slow, since all we did was explain rules and what the class would be doing. I wasn't really interest in flowers, dancing, singing and other girly things. Classes I would be skipping to go get Dango or to do some more useful training.

Like chakra exercises…

I quickly make an exit after the first session ends and mange to get out of the building before I stop to someone calling my name. I growl deep in my throat and refrain myself from stomping my foot. I turn around and blink as a little girl with pink hair and a red ribbon comes running towards me with a navy blue ribbon in her hand.

_Sakura?_

I stare bewildered at the ribbon and reach up towards my hair only to find the ribbon gone. Sakura finally reaches me, her face red and her breathing uneven. She stretches out her arm with the ribbon in her hand and looks up at me.

"Um, thanks?" I mumble and take the ribbon from her.

She nodded and seemed to have caught her breath "Your welcome, it fell out…when you left the classroom."

"Oh, well thanks Sakura." I smile "it would have been awful if I lost it." deep down I would have felt like crap if I found out I lost my ribbon, mainly because my mother gave it to me.

Sakura blushes and shuffles her feet "Well, um, are you coming to the kunoichi classes tomorrow? I would like for us to sit together."

I blink and I can't help but feel bad for the shy six year old girl standing in front of me. It was really hard to believe that this shy young girl was going to become one heck of a ninja. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, great." And without another word, Sakura is gone. Well maybe making a friend will be easier than I thought.

I tie my ribbon back in my hair making sure that it's tight and turn towards the direction of home. I stop when I realize I don't know the way home and it's getting late. The sun is almost setting and the streets are becoming less crowded.

"Hey ugly bug, what are you staring at?"

I close my eyes and sigh "The sky eyelashes, what else is there to look at?"

"Well, there's always me?" Shisui says and pats my head.

"Hey, do you know where Itachi is?" I ask as Shisui begins walking me back home. I had completely forgotten about my older brother, worrying about kunoichi classes. I had also forgotten about dad too, but I had figured he had some business with the clan.

"He had a mission he had to do." was Shisui's reply and a mere shrug. I shrugged off Shisui's subtle answer and entertained myself with looking at random objects. That was until I came across some very nice looking goggles. They were a nice shade of black and the glass was a tinted color of grey.

My gaze lingered on the goggles and I couldn't help but stop to stare at them longer. I cringed when I saw the price, nearly all the allowance that I had. I sighed and caught back up with Shisui, disappointed and tired.

Tomorrow would be another class of kunoichi training.

Great!


	5. Troubles Around Me

**Yay! Fifth chapter! Okay I know it seems kinda slow, but it will eventually speed up soon! Like maybe chapter 7 will be the last chapter before canon actually starts! So Yay! If anyone can guess why I didn't mention the dream in the beginning of the chapter later on, I will give you a cyber snicker doodle! Okay so I have a decision I need help making! So, should I do what some Naruto fanfic writers do and put Hotaru on Team 7 with Sakura or should it just be what I did last time. Team 7 with Hotaru and without Sakura? also, I'm sorry for all the time skips they are all very necessary. **

**Tell me in your reviews PLEASE! Speaking of reviews, REVIEW PLEASE! Reviews make me so happy…..I'll give you a cookie too! Also reviews let me know what you think about my story and how I can improve my suckish writing. \(^_^)/! I LOVE YOU MY FANFICIES! **

**I do not own Naruto or a learners permit…but I will in three months! (The learners permit for driving)**

**ONWARD TO THY STORY**

* * *

_If it's natural to kill, how come men have to go into training to learn how?__  
__Joan Baez_

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_Blank white walls, again. I blinked confused and agitated for having to be here again. I really didn't want to see Chrisy again._

"_Hey again."_

_I flinched at her voice and turned around to see once again that stupid mirror. Except this time, instead of it just being glass, it was rimmed in black swirls with legs. Well, at least it wasn't floating anymore. I couldn't help but stare at the black chains secured by a big gold lock._

_Chrisy smiled at me and pushed up her blue glasses "So, how have you been?" I narrowed my eyes at her and scowled, I really did not want to see her. "I guess that was a really stupid question, huh." She laughed nervously and rubbed her eyes._

"_I've been fine…" I growled and crossed my arms "so how's the mirror" I blinked and realized the glass was slightly blurry._

_Chrisy frowned "Suffocating, thanks to you." She grunted and pushed up her glasses again "Quite blurry isn't it?"_

"_So this is my fault?!" I yelled and bit my lip trying to calm myself down. I uncrossed my arms and clenched my hands closed, squeezing them every now and then. "Look, I'm sorry you're stuck in that mirror, but can you tell me why I'm here instead of dreaming about Dango?"_

"_This is about Shisui." She replied and I was shocked by how serious she was getting._

"_What about him?"_

"_You shouldn't be getting so close to him. Any of your family members, for that matter."_

_I let my mouth fall open and I closed it in anger. She was telling me not to get close to the Uchiha clan, my family! I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall, the angered filled tears that I knew would eventually fall. I shook my head and looked Chrisy in the eye._

"_And why should I do that?" I asked, trying to hold back the venom in my voice. Chrisy's eyes turned cold and my chest tightened. I could feel it; I don't know what it was, but whatever it was that I was feeling it was bad. This feeling was coming from Chrisy, that negative feeling was coming from her and I wanted it to stop._

_I wanted it to stop so badly_

"_You know what exactly will happen to your family. To Shisui. He dies before everyone else does."_

_I felt the pull before I noticed it completely, but I had one thing I needed to ask Chrisy. "What will happen to me? I'm obviously not supposed to be here. Will I die with the rest of the Uchiha clan?"_

_Chrisy's face softens "I can't…I don't really know?"_

* * *

_Hotaru Uchiha_

* * *

I stared at the wooden red and white target and tilted my head. I narrowed my eyes and focused on the bull's eye. I reached into my new kunai pouch and gripped onto the rough handle of the only kunai that was left of the one hundred kunai set that mom bought me. The kunai felt extremely uncomfortable in my hand and it bothered me how I hadn't gotten use to this yet. From the corner of my right eye, I could see the other ninety-nine kunai littering the ground. From the corner of my left eye, I could see Shisui leaning against a tree looking quite _serious_.

I returned my full attention to the target and closed my eyes. From staring at it so long, I could still see it even after closing my eyes. My grip on my kunai tightened and I took deep even breaths. I reopened my eyes with determination and whipped out my kunai, letting it slip from my hand and it soared through the air.

My eyes widened when it hit the bull's eye and I jumped for joy and cheer. "Ha! Take that you stupid target!"

"Okay, one down and ninety-nine kunai to go." Shisui said after being unusually quiet. I send a glare his way and make my way towards the target to get my kunai. "Well, ugly bug it's getting late and I think your mom would kill me if I didn't get you home on time."

I shrugged "Okay." I packed all the kunai in my pouch and yawned as I packed the last one in snuggly. I rubbed my eyes and followed Shisui as he led me home.

It's been almost two years since school, kunoichi classes, and my kunai training with Shisui started. So far all I could do was throw and hit the target with one kunai –that and the kunai actually staying in the wood of the target. It was getting frustrating and it didn't help that a kunai just didn't seem right in my hands. I had a little training with shuriken, but I couldn't really do much with them either. It was irritating that Sasuke could finally do something better than me, instead of us just being equals all the time.

But then again, I had been working on our _chakra connection_ as I call it.

Apparently, as we get older, the chakra connection gets stronger. So now whenever I'm around my twin brother, I can feel his chakra without touching him –yet it's restrained- and I can tell where he is in the house if I'm there.

_But I don't think it's actually useful…_

Kunoichi classes aren't as lonely as they use to be with Sakura –and Ino- to accompany me. I had begun to wonder when they would end their friendship when I realized I had no clue of the exact timeline. I couldn't exactly remember the past events since they were barely touched on in the anime or manga. At that time, I had simply brushed it off, since to me it didn't matter. It's not like I could change anything anyway.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and set my sights on the venders selling a different variety of objects and knick-knacks. I almost squealed when I saw my goggles, the black tinted glass goggles that I have been meaning to buy for the past two years. Ever since I saw them the first time, I called them _my_ goggles. I rubbed my eyes as I stopped to admire them and couldn't help but actually walk to the stand that was selling them.

"Thinking about buying those?" I jumped at Shisui's voice behind me and the rubbed the back of my neck.

"I would, if I had enough allowance left over after buying everything important for training." I sighed slightly disappointed for still not being able to buy them. Either way they wouldn't be able to help with kunai training, and it would be a pain to wear them at night. I sighed again as Shisui patted my head.

"Well, come on, I have to get you home."

I shrugged and followed after him.

* * *

_Hotaru Uchiha_

* * *

I gripped the bead between my fingers carefully as to not let it go flying about. I licked my lips and brought my face closer to the bracelet I was trying to make. I slid the black bead onto the thin wire and let out a breath of relief. That was the final bead and I could finally tie the wire together to finish the stupid bracelet. I glance at the other six matching bracelets –except one that was pink- and grunted at all the time it took to make them. I tied the wire tightly together and grabbed four of the black beaded bracelets and carefully put them in my short's pocket.

"So, who are those for?" Ino who was beside me asked, looking at me with a mischievous glint in her blue eyes, she smiled at me teasingly. Sakura who was on the other side of me turned towards me too with a shy smile on her face. I could feel my face heat up and it only seemed to make that glint in Ino's eyes shine brighter. "So it is for a boy, as I thought!"

I stammered "N-no it's for my older brothers."

"I thought you only had two." Sakura questioned, looking up at me from her own work in progress.

"I do, one of them is for my mom and another is for a distant cousin." I explained and blushed as Ino cooed over me being the sweetest little sister.

"My Sasuke-kun must be so glad that you're his little sister!"Ino cooed, her attention going off into la-la-land.

Sakura shifted uncomfortably beside me and I couldn't help but raise a brow at her unease. I shook it off and got up to turn in the pink bracelet to our kunoichi teacher. When I sat back down, Sakura had a look of sadness in her green eyes.

"Hey, Sakura…you okay?" I asked and her head snapped up towards me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She turned her head away from me and I sat back down beside her. Ino gave me a look of confusion and I just shrugged at her. Sakura was probably just feeling down about something.

I sighed as the kunoichi instructor –since I forgot her name- started handing out report cards and I almost did a double take when I saw my standings in this class. For someone who skips most of the classes I'm doing really well. Fourth in almost everything, out of all the girls in this class! I blinked; dad would definitely say something about this if he saw that I was fourth instead of first. Well, I tried my best. But being first didn't really matter to me, as long as I got decent grades that would at least please my parents were fine with me.

I looked over at and tried to peek at Sakura's report card. I didn't really see much since she held the paper close to her face and she left before I could ask to see it. I sighed, something was really wrong with her. "Hey Ino, maybe you should speak with sakura. She seemed really down today."

"Sure! I am her best friend after all." She replied smiling. I nodded and bid her goodbye until next class.

Mom, Itachi, Sasuke and Shisui liked the bracelets and I was proud of myself for making them.

The next day I found out that Sakura's and Ino's friendship had been broken over a boy, specifically my brother, Sasuke. My jaw almost hit the floor when they didn't come in together like they always did and when they both ignored each other. Sakura seemed to have a completely new confidence in herself. It was hard not to notice the tense air whenever they were around each other or trying to flirt with my brother.

The day after that, they tried to fight over my friendship before regular classes start.

"Come on, Hotaru! Come sit with me!" Ino encouraged smiling at me, bright teeth flashing.

"No, Hotaru! Come sit with me!" Sakura argued smiling at me as well.

I groaned as they got into an argument of who was going to sit with me.

"She's going to sit with me!"

"Um, you two can…"I tried to interrupt.

"No with me!"

"No with me…because I'm cooler."

"Come on you two, can't we work this out?"

"What do you mean because your cooler! You were never cool until I became your best friend!"

"Yeah, well I'm cool now!"

My fingers twitched and I rubbed my eyes "HEY!" I yelled and waited until I had their full attention. "If you two can't work this out like the two best friends you use to be, then you're not sitting with me at all! I don't know why you two would break your friendship over a boy; jeez you two are eight not sixteen! Until you two can settle this stupid _'boy feud'_ between the two of you, I'm not talking to either of you!"

_Silence_…_everywhere in the classroom_

They both stared at me shocked, eyes wide and mouths hanging open. I turned away from the two girls and rested my hands in my arms. They both stammered and stuttered their surprise and both sulked away almost angrily when I ignored their complaints. I huffed and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall once again. I sniffed quietly and forced the tears away, letting the day past by me.

_As well as the rest of that year…_

* * *

_Hotaru Uchiha_

* * *

I waited and waited and waited. But Shisui never picked me up after kunoichi classes. Instead mom came to pick me up and led me back home, telling me that I could finally walk back and forth to school by myself if I wanted to. There were about ten different routes to different places that I knew by memory, my favorites being the training ground that I trained at with Shisui and to the Dango shop.

I sighed after I got home and headed slowly to my room, not bothering to wash up for dinner first and fell straight into bed. It was rather disappointing to not have Shisui walk me home after doing it all this time. If I was any tired than what I already was then I probably would have never noticed my goggles sitting on my night stand with a note attached to it.

I blinked at them before getting up to examine them. The note said nothing on the front, not even who it was from or addressed to. On the back was just one simple compound word.

_Goodbye_

I rubbed my eyes; the only person who saw me admiring these goggles was Shisui. I smiled to myself, he got them for me. But why would he write goodbye? Wouldn't he want to see me wearing the goggles that he was so nice enough to buy for me? He couldn't have been leaving; he would have least said goodbye in person? He didn't seem like the type of person who would write their final goodbye as a note, nor would he just leave.

I was puzzled but couldn't come to ask where Shisui was.

I yawned tiredly and plopped onto my bed- goggles in tow-, falling asleep as someone entered the room.

_Probably Itachi…_

* * *

_Hotaru Uchiha_

* * *

Three months had passed and Sakura and Ino had not yet made a truce. Still nothing from Shisui. I've been practicing on my own with kunai and still seemed to fail at hitting the target. It wasn't until Itachi decided one training day to watch me.

"Why don't you try senbon needles?" He offered and I just smiled at him. I nodded at him and the next day I had a new set of senbon needles to practice with. It turns out I can use senbon needles a lot better than kunai and shuriken. I just wish Shisui was there to see me get better. I was beginning to grow anxious about him missing. Bu it could have been my fears that were making me think that something had gone wrong. When really he could have been on a long mission, or just extremely busy.

But Shisui never seemed like the type of person that would be extremely busy. So he had to be on a mission. That could explain the non-existent farewell.

After training I went home and laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. A large knot formed in my gut and I felt compelled to get up and go outside. But as I got up the knot seemed to get tighter and tighter as I got closer to the family living room. I was surprised to see Sasuke already positioned near the door, peeking from behind it.

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" I asked in a whisper and kneeled down under his standing form to see what was going on outside. I gasped quietly at the scene that was laid out before me.

Itachi was being surrounded. I had originally thought that I wouldn't be able to hear what was being said, but they were close enough to hear their conversation. It hit me hard that their discussion was about Shisui.

_Shisui's death_

"Shisui's body was found in the river, Itachi. And a suicide note was left for us to find."

"Shisui, as well as you, didn't make it to the meeting the day he died."

"You're a prime suspect."

"I would never do such a thing. Shisui was my best friend, I considered him my brother. You have absolutely no proof that I killed Shisui." Itachi simply replied and despite the fact that he looked calm, his eyes told everyone there that he was angry about being accused of Shisui's death.

But Itachi couldn't have killed him, he just couldn't have! Who in what world would ever kill their best friend? And they found a suicide note, which meant Shisui committed suicide! But why would Shisui commit suicide, he didn't seem like the type of person who didn't value their life?

The knot in my gut tightened and an ache began to form in my chest. Why was this happening?! A fight broke out between my brother and our cousins, until dad approached them. Words that I could no longer understand were said and a kunai whizzed by one of my cousins; hitting one of the Uchiha banners, tearing it. Then Sasuke pushed past me and out the door, yelling for Itachi to stop, dropping his bracelet on his way towards dad.

I was frozen; on the floor feeling like someone had just stabbed me in the chest and just twisted the blade. I had to force myself to step outside, my legs shook violently and a cold sweat rolled down my forehead.

"Hotaru, go back inside!" dad commanded, but I didn't hear a word that he said. I was too shocked and afraid. Too afraid that what I was hearing wasn't some night terror, that it was all real and the only real friend I had was dead.

"S-Shisui is dead?" I stuttered keeping my head down, terrified to look up. I got no answer and my legs gave out, the ache in my chest now on fire as I heaved up anything I ate that day. My whole body shook and I could feel someone pick me up and carry me back inside. I was laid in my bed and a cold cloth was placed on my forehead.

"I'm sorry…" was the last thing I heard before falling into a restless sleep.


	6. Mourning and Loneliness

**You reviewers are so nice! Every time I read them I get so excited! My parents always look at me weird when I tell them I got one more review. Or two! Yeah…team placements! I'm basically letting you guys decide. Do what I did last time or add Sakura to the mix? I gots to know! If you guys know what the goggles represent….then you will get chocolate chunk cyber cookies! Actually…I have a lot more symbolism in this story then I did the last one.**

**Hmmmm, I'm thinking about working on another fanfiction while updating this one. It's totally Mary Sue and made for humorous purposes only. Maybe…it's another Naruto fanfic but with two self-inserts. Me (dun dun dunnnnnn ;P) and my best friend who almost made up the whole story…I'm just typing it and posting it!**

**I hoping that this fanfic gets really popular….popular enough that I get fanart…..cuz I can't draw Sasuke or a female looking Sasuke to save my life. I tried; my friends said she looked more like Itachi than Sasuke. I can't draw Shisui either; I don't even have to try to know that. But with the other fanfic I'll draw my own fan art! Ocs are so much easier to draw…sad face.**

**RIGHT ENOUGH OF THIS RAMBLING NONSENSE THAT MAY NOT BE NONSENSE (my sense of humor sucks…bare with me)**

**I DON'T OWN THIS AWESOME ANIME AND I'M SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHERS IF YOU HADN'T NOTICE! It's only by a few words. Oh I also don't own the quotes….-_-. Yeah….kool-aid.**

**ONWARDS TO THY STORY!\(^_^)/**

* * *

_The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.__  
__Mark Twain_

* * *

They didn't hold a funeral.

Ninja who commit suicide don't get a funeral, because suicide here is like murdering someone back in the world I once lived in. It surprising how a person can forget about someone who committed suicide here, it's looked down upon like a shunned homeless orphan. Suicide, it's a disgraceful way to die for your village.

I clutched my black goggles to my chest and squeezed my eyes shut, tight. I felt bad, terrible, for not crying for Shisui. I knew that Itachi had killed him, almost indirectly. But somewhere deep down I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe that Shisui didn't commit suicide…that he was in some freak accident. That him drowning was some freak accident.

The river was surprisingly calm, the day itself was calm. The blue sky was cloudless, not one single cloud decided to form and block the sun. There was no wind. It seemed like the perfect day, but not the perfect day to mourn over a friend. I wished that the sky would be grey, clouded with storm clouds, that rain would be beating down on me. I wished that the trees would all just die around me; I wished that every living beautiful thing would become ugly and just die.

I knew that I shouldn't wish for something so terrible, I shouldn't wish for something…for anything to just drop down and die.

I clutched my goggles closer to me and reopened my eyes, taking a step towards the water I kneel in front of the single stone that I place in remembrance of Shisui. I take in a shaky breath and dip one of my hands in the river. As the water submerged my hand the surprising warmness of the water brought me no comfort. I was expecting the water to be freezing cold. I took my hand out of the water and set my goggles in my lap and submerged both my hands.

I stared at my sad reflection, stared at my raven black spiky hair almost resembling Sasuke's, stared at my dull onyx eyes, and stared at the roundness of my face and the paleness of my skin. My eyes widen when in the background of my image Shisui appeared. His smiling image startled me and I quickly took my hands from the water. I choked on the words I was about to say as the image faded with the ripples I created.

I grabbed my goggles with my wet hands and stood from my spot, still slightly startled with what I had just seen. I took a step back and slipped my goggles over my eyes, putting them on for the very first time. I sighed, thinking that it was just my imagination that was making me see things. I turned away and then stopped mid-step. I turned back around while taking out a single kunai. I kneeled in front of the stone –which to me resembled a teardrop- and jammed the kunai into the stone, right in the center, the handle sticking opposite to the stone.

I sighed feeling slightly better about Shisui's death. Finally I turned away and walked back to my home, but stopped to adjust my goggles a little. They were too big, so I tightened the strap around my head until it was tight enough to stay on but loose enough to stay around my head. Then I continued all the way home.

* * *

Hotaru Uchiha

* * *

"Hotaru, what exactly are you trying to do?" Sasuke asked me, him sitting across from me. Even with my eyes closed, I could tell he was annoyed by the tone of his voice. His knees brushed against my own and I got a sharp jolt of his chakra.

"Well…I'm going to try and call out to your chakra." I replied and almost smiled when Sasuke shifted a little closer to me "And then I'm going to try and draw it towards me, and then release it back to you.

"Can you even do that, can anyone even do that?" Sasuke asked quietly like it was some sort of secret among just us.

I shrugged "I don't think so…but it's worth a try right? Give me your hands."

"Sure, whatever." He mumbled unsure and gave me his hands as I opened my eyes.

I blinked at the warmth of his chakra and at the movement of it. I inhaled and exhaled through my nose and reclosed my eyes. I imagined Sasuke's chakra –blue and bright- as I felt it in my hands. In the darkness of my mind, a blue flame of chakra ignited in my head. I kept it small since it was all I could really imagine at that moment. I kept my breathing steady as the chakra I felt in my hand grew warmer. I almost gasped in surprise when the warmth in my hands moved up my arms. It felt like thin strands of string being slowly dragged against my skin.

I felt Sasuke tense then relax and then tense again just as the warmth reached my chest. I continued breathing steadily and tried to push the warmth back towards Sasuke. I gritted my teeth as it seemed to be harder than drawing it towards me. The warmth slowly drained from my chest and arms and back to our hands. I continued to push it back towards Sasuke without releasing it completely.

Sasuke gasped audibly and he squeezed my hands, I squeezed back in return grinning.

"Whoa…that was weird." Sasuke whispered when I released his hands. I reopened my eyes and lifted my goggles over my forehead. "Are you going to tell anyone about this?"

I shook my head and smiled at him "I'm pretty sure this is something only we can do. I can't do this with anyone else, or feel chakra from anyone else. Can you?"

"No." he shook his head and rested it in the palm of his hand "I think it might be useful in the future."

"I doubt it. It seems pretty useless to me." I murmured and averted my gaze to the rest of our room. I huffed suddenly feeling out of breath. Sasuke stood and held a hand out towards me. I accepted the offer and he pulled me to my feet. But not without me pushing him back down.

He glared up at me as I giggled; I missed the smirk that was on his face. He suddenly grabbed me and pulled me down to the floor with him.

"Hey!" I growled and pounced on my brother "No fair, you don't get to do that!" I slipped my arms around my brother's waist and squeezed.

"I do so!" he growled back and rolled over so I was under his back. He successfully tried to pry my fingers from the grip I had on him. He rolled away from me and sat up as I did and brought his hands up. "Revenge!"

He jumped on me and we rolled around on our wooden floor, wrestling. We laughed together as we did so and I quickly flung my goggles on my bed so they wouldn't get damaged.

"I am so gonna get you for that!" I said jumping on my brother's back as he stood and grabbing onto his black hair.

"That's my hair Hotaru!" he winced.

"I know!" I gasped as he pinched my tiny feet. I struggled to hold in my laughter, failing terribly as he pinched my feet again. I lost my grip on him and fell on my back. "Ow..."

"What is going on in here?"

The door opened to reveal mom, dad, and Itachi; Itachi with an almost amused look in his eyes, dad looking mildly annoyed and mom looking slightly concerned about our wellbeing. I sat up rubbing the back of my head and laughing nervously.

"Just…you know…wrestling?" I laughed nervously again as mom's face heated up red. I looked towards Sasuke and we made eye contact. We both knew what was going to happen.

"What did I tell you two about wrestling with each other?! Hotaru you are a girl, you shouldn't be doing something like this!" mom shrieked "And Sasuke if you want to wrestle with anyone, do so with Itachi or your father!" she huffed and then walked into the room. She picked me up onto my feet and brushed off any dirt that was on my clothes.

I watched as Itachi left down the hall and dad eyed both me and Sasuke. I smiled up at him when looked back at me as mom patted my head and stood.

"Come on you two, I'm going to take you somewhere." Dad announced as mom walked by him. I glanced at Sasuke and we shared a confused look together.

* * *

Hotaru Uchiha

* * *

"Alright, I'm going to teach you how to use one of the Uchiha's special jutsu. _The Great fireball jutsu_." Dad explained almost like a teacher. "Watch how I weave the signs carefully, I won't show you again."

We were at the Uchiha pier, which is on grounds since the river runs through the Uchiha compound.

I watched carefully as dad weaved the signs slowly and then stepped out in front of us on the edge of the pier. A large fireball ignited from his mouth and over the water, I stared in awe as the flames died out. I blinked when he stepped backed and he gestured for Sasuke to try.

Sasuke stepped up and weaved the signs with ease; he brought two fingers to his mouth. I blinked as I felt Sasuke's chakra flared. I was pretty close to Sasuke to feel his chakra, but I didn't think I could feel his chakra when he used a jutsu.

I heard Sasuke blow and nothing but smoke came from his lips. I smiled, that probably would have happened to me too. Sasuke and I have almost always been equals and I wanted it to stay that way. There was really no need to be any stronger than my brother; there hasn't been a very valid reason for me to be stronger than him.

Sasuke tried again and once again got nothing but smoke as a result. I stepped up after him expecting to fail as well. He stepped back looking slightly bummed out about not being able to get the jutsu on his first time. I had slight trouble forming the hand signs but got them eventually.

I felt my chakra heat up in my chest, instead of bringing my fingers to my mouth I leaned my upper body forward and blew out the opposite of what I thought I would. I was shocked that I had mastered the jutsu on my first try.

"That was just beginner's luck." I murmured rubbing my eyes. I blink when I realized I left my goggles at home.

"Itachi got it on his first try." Dad said as I heard him walk away. I frowned, was that really necessary?

I turned towards Sasuke and shook my head "If it's alright…I could help you with the jutsu?" I turn back towards the water and my shoulders slumped a little. I rubbed my eyes again not liking the feel of my goggles not being on my face.

"No…this is something I want to learn on my own. You'll only slow me down." Sasuke grumbled moving to stand beside me. I froze as he weaved the hand signs and tried the jutsu again.

I look down at my reflection and realized just how scared I looked. I've lost all the color in my face and my eyes were wide. I glance at Sasuke and turned around to walk away. I stopped after taking my first step.

_You'll only slow me down_

I shivered, that sounded like something he would say in the future. "Well, good luck I guess?" I whispered and then swiftly walked away. I didn't even look back, I was too afraid to. He almost reminded me of what he would become in the future. I shuddered and turned my head towards my house, which wasn't that far anymore. I really didn't want to go home at that moment, so instead I took a detour and almost collapsed in front of the kunai stone. I sighed and tilted my head as I watched the water.

Again it was _calm_…

I swallowed and touched the stone; I was surprised that the stone itself was pretty warm. Almost familiar.

_Like the doorknob_

I stood nonchalantly and walked away, but not before touching the stone again. When I got home I went straight into my mother's embrace. I was upset and felt the sudden need to be with my mother. She smiled down at me as I clung onto her dress. She ran her hand through my hair, which was still spiky but now shoulder length. It was nice to always have mom their whenever I was upset about something. Which wasn't often…

I stuck with my mother for the rest of the day, a knot slowly forming in my stomach and an ache in my chest that felt like it wouldn't go away. When Sasuke came home after dinner I couldn't face him, I couldn't stand to be around him after what he said. I didn't even have a clue why I couldn't be around my brother.

The rest of the week pasted by quickly and Sasuke came home yelling that he mastered the jutsu. I only smiled at him, since I couldn't really do anything else. I guessed if I had helped him maybe it would have taken longer.

_Maybe_

After learning the jutsu I had went back to my usual routine; academy classes, the kunoichi classes I didn't skip, senbon needle training on the weekends, visiting the kunai stone, trying to get Sakura and Ino to be friends again, and the chakra connection training. Sakura and Ino still fight, but I couldn't keep ignoring them any longer. So I would take turns hanging out with them. My handy work with senbon needles was a lot better than what I could do with kunai. The chakra connection that I have been working on has made me begin to think about other chakra exercises.

_Chakra…what a funny subject…_

The knot went away after a few days but the ache had only gotten worse. It was noticeable but nothing to bothersome about it. Something in the back of my mind told me something _very_ important was coming up. But I just couldn't figure out what.

I guess death isn't something you should forget.

* * *

Hotaru Uchiha

* * *

**Review my beautiful Fanficies while jamming out to dubstep. Death is coming to our wonderful character Hotaru. I feel so evil doing this to her…and in a way Sasuke.**

**Next time on Self-destruction **

"_You're my little sister Hotaru and you're my little brother Sasuke. I'll always protect you."_

"_I don't see why you're not interested in someone who is so interested in you?"_

"_It's not that easy…don't ask me these things!"_

"_Hotaru stay here!"_

"_Sasuke! Wait! Don't just leave me here alone!"_

"_M-mom…..dad?"_

"_PLEASE STOP IT HURTS!"_

_"YOU LIAR!"_

"_Shisui died because of me…I killed him."_

"_Hotaru, Sasuke, become stronger and face me when you have the same eyes as me. Hotaru…don't become soft…it will be the end of you. Sasuke, I expect you to help your sister in the long run."_

"_I'm so sorry…"_

"_You should quit being a ninja…you're too soft."_

"_No! Hotaru doesn't run away and she doesn't turn away from those she loves! That is my ninja way!"_


End file.
